by saving you, did i save the world?

unsettlement.

2008-03-27T16:19:00.002+08:00

so, almost two weeks of iap. i have lots to write about, but can't seem to put them in words. i think the research paper i'm trying to write is deterring me from doing that. nonetheless, i'm here to complain that i dislike blogger, and will be moving to a new home for a blog. yet again. still. and then there, i can blog about work, proper. a quick preview, though. lit review, transcribing, research paper, collation. that's about it. too little too much. i've also been watching/listening to Steps for the past two weeks. non-stop. hello, new old obsession.

this post is full of irony.

rawr.

2008-03-08T13:27:00.002+08:00

BRB from the outside world; I'm currently trying to marathon Arrested Development, The Office (US) (the UK one is much better but I'm holding out) and Freaks and Geeks before my imminent death-by-work syndrome. Adios, until that time! PS His lyrics are hilarious.

pretty genius.

2008-02-26T11:23:00.001+08:00

I thought this was the most brilliant thing... AND THEN JIMMY KIMMEL HITS BACK, HAAHLKDSFJLKDSJF. BEST THING EVER.

(Watch the first video first.)

ugh.

2008-02-21T23:29:00.000+08:00

i don't want to fail and retake advert. :\

their story is epic.

2008-02-16T22:52:00.000+08:00

You can't mess with the LoVe.

addendum...

2008-02-14T12:45:00.001+08:00

After getting SHOCKED! responses on that entry? VIEW THE CLIP, PLEASE. THIS IS POP CULTURE! :D

official now.

2008-02-13T13:07:00.000+08:00

YAY.

what happened to bulletproof weeks.

2008-02-10T23:32:00.000+08:00

somewhere in between, the beginning and the end, september took the tourist and settled in for good. you could hear the trains again, brooklyn girls in scarves, summer left and no one said a word. we'd open your window, stay in your bed, all day 'til the street lights came on. what happened to feeling cheap radio songs, what happened to thinking the world was flat - what happened to that?

hallelujah, the strike is over.

2008-02-08T11:37:00.000+08:00

too bad it came too late or i'd have been there on attachment in about a month. thanks, man. related news: no thanks, tcm.

reflections on semester past.

2008-02-05T23:21:00.001+08:00

so this iap business really did bring a right closure to this really shitty, really bad semester. in the way that it's really bad, because i'll be doing media research and marketing. happy happy joy joy. sure, media research, i have myself to blame but fucking seriously, marketing? i've got zero interest in marketing. i swore i wasn't going to touch spss/research methods after that fucking final project/presentation. oh, fate, you tempt me so. i seriously fucking hate it. i can already tell it's going to be an excellent internship.

but okay. semester reflections. i won't divulge into details on why it was a fucked up one, even more so than usual, but you can probably guess why. i like the modules just fine but it's the lack of unity and focus that really throws me off and makes me want to punch babies in the gut. people that aggravated me non-stop. on and on. it makes me so sick that i feel like i want to throw up. at least last semester, i laughed a lot. this time round, these seventeen weeks? i didn't even think about it. i hated doing things based on the idea that i have to produce something by it. i hate being in teams with no focus. i hate being led around with no real end in point. hate being one of the few that does a lot more than expected because the people originally designated to do them are incompetent. worst still if said incompetent people insist on doing things and i/we end up having to redo them anyway. common sense. people lack that here.

but. fingers crossed, i will never work with these people ever again. fuck me gently with a chainsaw if i have to.

one of those.

2008-01-30T07:15:00.001+08:00

when people don't adhere to the fucking deadlines that i set. stop giving me a reason to dislike you as a person. to that one-woman team: i feel your pain.

at wit's end.

2008-01-28T23:34:00.000+08:00

i don't know how the fuck i'm supposed to finish two presentations by wednesday, a written report and four print ads by that day, and a full magazine layout by tomorrow.

you know what just played on my itunes? no sleep tonight. i'm not even kidding. no sleep tonight, or tomorrow, or wednesday. maybe even thursday. i'm going to die before this week's over.

this is when hiro nakamura can come in handy.

i don't usually cry over school but this week might be an exception. kudos, mass comm. i love you so.

i don't have time to do this.

2008-01-27T20:59:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wish i'm one of those super-organized, know-where-they're-heading people. mostly because i'm so seriously disorganized and un-time managed that things like that slip through the cracks of my fingers without my realizing, and before long it's oh-my-gosh there's no time now and everything just goes to shit and by that time there is absolutely nothing i can do to salvage this situation. why me? why.

the blinking colon on the clock mocks me.

i'm so doomed. for life.

looming.

2008-01-20T19:39:00.000+08:00

22: ALW short story.
23: ~~media management business plan (target audience, price, place);~~ feature magazine (all pages).
24: tv production demo show.
25: advertising mock presentation.
30: mrm research project final presentation and report.
1: advertising final presentation.

i'm gonna haunt you for the rest of your life.

2008-01-19T22:31:00.000+08:00

It's really silly to blog-hop (especially when I have no time at all) and come across a blog of someone you used to treat as a confidant, reading them speak of someone else in the same capacity. Stupid, stupid memories. It'll seem stupid and fruitless in a while like it really is. Have you ever read Jeff Lindsay's Dexter? He writes about the concept of the Dark Passenger. Of a conscience taking over your own and you being just the vehicle. For Dexter's case, it's the Need to murder. But I think what comes through deeper is that every single one of us have a Need. Don't you think? A Need for achievement. Attention. Companionship. Common things like that.

What am I babbling about? I have no idea.

School is turning on its gears really fast and I'm getting injured by the spocks of its wheels, I'm convinced. My personal organizer has been filled up rapidly and it really scares me how much everyone expects out of a bunch of not-even 20 year olds. Four deadlines in a week and none that I can brush off. It leads down to choices, maybe things I should have done weeks and weeks ago. But guess what? Ms. Procrastinator strikes again for the umpteenth time. Big surprise. So now I'm left with days to achieve what I should have in weeks, and hours to do what I should have done in days. On and on. This fucking crazy situation is going to drive me to insanity soon. Whining aside, let's hope I deliver everything in quality and on time. I've never failed that, not really, sans a really horrid experience with the final group project for Web Design last semester.

What have I learned this semester, but will once again fail to adhere to the next study semester? I will learn that I need to choose my fucking team mates with care. First impressions are important, yes, but if you play off your decision with that? Fucking screwed, man. Fucking screwed. Kind of like me right now. Blahbitty blah blah.

Welcome to life.

so i'll hide yours with mine.

i'll see it through.

2008-01-18T18:26:00.001+08:00

sometimes it feels like i keep trying and trying and there is no point to everything because everything is gonna fuck up in the end.

look, i can has updatez~

2007-12-18T16:35:00.000+08:00

no, seriously, proud of me? this thing hasn't died after a day! and truth be told, i'm already a little irked by the lack of capitalization. but whatever. anyway. second official day of the holidays and i'm struck by the brevity of how many things i need to do this holiday.

and those things don't even include christmas shopping, woe.

things to do:

1. buy christmas presents
2. buy new clothes
3. feature writing fa2 + magazine design
4. advertising print ads (:\)
5. that punkass business plan thing for mm.
6. catch up with friends.
7. write.

that list is apparently not in order. and how the hell did it get to nearly 5 pm already? cries. and i'm seriously so out of touch with blogging. what am i supposed to write, man. hello you guys, how are you?

hear you me.

2007-12-16T16:57:00.000+08:00

i am tired. such as it is that is vague and ominous for a first entry, but also the truth. with deadlines looming and feeling the need to censor myself. maybe i'll never know what is going in my mind for these days, weeks, months. not hours or minutes or seconds because time isn't measured by those now. anyway: i have the mouth of a sailor. it's not supposed to be offensive. it's just meant to be real.

ironically, i have been accused of being too quiet and uninvolved with the group of people i must somehow slog over through to the end of the semester with, but it is within those moments where i am just a little more than myself. eventually i will get on with the program and deliver what i'm supposed to, so it's probably a right assessment that i don't like being judged on how i display my emotions. "is everything okay?" and "are you alright, is everything okay at home?" can only get more annoying than what it originally already was. talking to a friend of mine opened up the very real possibility that it was just a gesture of niceness, but too bad the message encoding was stifled to begin with. i get it, though. but with the 8th time of someone asking you that same question, it just gets so annoying that you shut down whatever good intentions you think there might be.

it's the sunday of yet another weekend that has gone by too fast. two weeks of a break that will be filled soon with school anyway. joy! pretty much this little online space is for updates of whatever real life i have. i do have another blog, but that is mostly for fannish and online tendencies, and the last time i updated was a couple of weeks ago to ask people to do that fucking dumb survey. before that was a gap for a few months because i was either lazy to update, or not having time to. probably the former.

oh, and yeah, fuck capitalizing. e.e cummings didn't need those either. but watch as i get fickle and decide that proper capitalization should be used in other entries. haha.